Ballad For An Airport Farewell
It’s an average morning for me. I sit there scrolling through my email and checking my Facebook while I drink my morning Pepsi and eat my yogurt.
“Delete, delete, ignore, delete, screw you, hell to the no, delete…” I like to mutter to myself like a crotchety old man at times.
“Facebook, spam, don’t care, delete, delete, delete, de…. oooohhhh what’s this?”
An email from the great and wonderful CarylCake. With a surprise for me (to be revealed in a later video) and a song for me to cover. I take a quick look at the chords and read the email. I save it in my inbox and saunter off to work.
The email sits in my inbox for weeks while my life spins around me like crazy. I keep on scolding myself for not making the time to even listen to the song that I am so excited to cover.
I do my concert, pack my belongings, quit my job, move to the city.
Finally. Time to breathe. And time to catch up on all the collabs, cover requests, etc that have piled up in front of me.
I open the email, download the song, and listening to it, I immediately start to cry.
My own feelings that I had pushed back for weeks.
How strange is it that everything is so intertwined? Everything so connected.
Caryl and I have always got along like two peas in a pod. Kindred spirits, really. There’s a reason why an ocean separates us. It’s because having so much awesome on one side of the planet just might throw the Earth out of orbit.
The weeks leading up to the move to the city, Caryl and I exchanged several emails. At a time when everyone had their two cents to put in about my fears, Caryl was the only one who made any sense.
You see, the move to the city represented a crossroads for me once again. The man or the career. Should I stay or should I go? Will the Doctor ultimately become another casualty of Not Ryan (my guitar)?
Lady GaGa is quoted as saying, ”Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”
But at this point, it was too late, as I had tasted love. I had felt it’s breath on my body breathing life into my veins. Not Ryan has always loved me unconditionally. Not Ryan has seen my biggest joys, fears, and sadness.
But what would Not Ryan say if he could talk back?
“A year ago, you took a chance on me. You realized that you could never spend the rest of your life wondering what if. You knew in your heart that if you never tried, you would always be haunted by regret. You trusted your heart. Trust it again.”
And how right was he? This inanimate object who knew everything about how I felt. After all, I confided in him. Not Ryan knew the excitement, the fear, the pain, the incredible joy and passion I felt. He knew better than anyone.
Except maybe Caryl, who seemed to know exactly what to say.
Maybe the Doctor will one day be but a memory. But I know with every fiber of my being that I could not live the rest of my life regretting the day I gave up. Anything worth having has always been worth fighting for.
And so I sat in my empty living room listening to this demo for Ballad For An Airport Farewell. Everything I felt, but couldn’t find the words to say.
Funny how life works. Had I listened to the song when she sent it, I don’t know that I would have been able to put so much of myself into it. The timing was just perfect because Caryl had the words all along that I couldn’t bring myself to write down.
